About Me

| My name is Cesar Vallejo and this is my SAMPLE blog site. All the content on this website was written and edited by me. The purpose of this site is to display my blog/humor written ability.

WARNING: Explicit language and bold opinions are expressed and may offend some readers. |

Hello Ladies, just kidding--you know, unless you're into it.

C E E

My name is Cesar and I'm an overly sarcastic professional narcissist. In addition to that, I can do and say whatever I want (it's in the small print on the back of my contract which I created for myself). Back to my name: Although spelled differently, it's pronounced the way the Romans intended (Cee-Zer). Why anyone would orally alter such an awesome name is beyond me, yet it happens. Since a two syllable name is obviously too much to handle for our highly civilized society, I've settled with having people call me a single letter: Cee.

  I N  T H E  B E G I N N I N G 

I come from humble beginnings. I was raised in upstate New York in a town most famously known for absolutely nothing. Still, the small town taught me much about life. In retrospect, my time there was spent mostly learning. I learned how to hate law enforcement. I learned that stealing bikes is socially acceptable as long as you spray paint them afterwards. I learned how to walk without purpose or destination. I learned the finer points and techniques of loitering. I learned that just about any sudden movement a stranger makes in your direction is a deliberate sign of disrespect. I learned that physical altercations are necessary to prove one's manhood. I learned that I had to get the hell out of there if I ever wanted to live above the poverty line.

               

N E X T   S T O P                

I moved to Florida in the middle of high school ('Cause, that's not awkward or anything.). My mother left my wonderful alcoholic step father. He was an awesome drunk, but a horrible sober person. Unbenounced to him, we packed up one day and never looked back. Florida took some getting use to. Trust me, there's nothing more annoying about the sunshine state than all the goddamn sunshine. You know the phrase, "when it rains it pours." Well in Florida, when it rains, drive to Georgia. Life was different here. It was a hard transition going to a school with a graduating class that had more people in it than my entire high school population had back home. I went from the in-crowd to the in-visible crowd. To top that off, after living in a garage for a couple months (boy was that fun), we settled in a beautiful one bedroom apartment in a quiet low income complex. My mother and sister shared the bedroom, and the couch and I shared the living room (miss you couch). Still, these were some of the happiest times of my life. I was the man of the house. I held a job at a fine dining establishment (KFC) to help pay the rent each month. A few years later, after I graduated high school, my step father got his shit together and came back into our lives.

                                C O L L E G E                                 

I currently have my Associates Degree which means about as much as having your Wal-Mart receipt with you, does, during a return or exchange. I'm a senior at the University of Central Florida studying Advertising and Public Relations. Luckily for you, I started this website so I could blog about my adventures and anything else I'm inspired to share. Life is tragically short. In the end all we have are our memories. Live a life you'll want to remember. Like I almost never say; though the best things in life aren't free, sex is, luckily Chinese food's cheap (for now).

                                                                                               -Cesar A. Vallejo